SAYONARA BISHES!!!

Yes. Finally after 4 freaking years, i'mma say tata' to this place. I hate saying goodbye because I don't usually say good bye i just disappear like what's the point about being sentimental right? LOL. I may be a cry baby and I might cry during graduation bu that doesn't mean it's because I'm so attached with UP and that i'm bidding good bye but it's more of the 'OMG this is graduation imma cry' kind of tears. 

First of all I am very thankful to this institution because I met the most amazing people in the world and I might not meet these kinds of people in the future, each and every single person I've made contact with in the university had made an impact on me. I've heard once from an alumni saying that it's not really the memories inside of the classroom that you remember heck  the lessons you learn but the experience that you cherish the most happens outside of the campus. In her own words 'daw side line lang ya pag kadto sa AS'. Haha and in a way I think I agree with her. All those crazy nights I've spent with my friends outside of the campus (which I will not mention), the impromptu let's go to 'sari-sari' or 'angel's' cause i'm so freaking hungry, the sleep over at my group mate's house because of a crazy project to make and the craziest would be the guerilla shoots for prod class.

So to simplify things, I will list down the places that I will miss the most. *Cue At the beginning and let the feels flow:

1. HOLWAN. It was my first home and it made me feel like one too. All of the amazing friends I met there will always be close to my heart. All of the memories I will cherish. 

2. ISBL. Yes as a CMS student this place hold so much near death experiences because you just don't know what'll happen during the production. Oh the memories and all the 'bangag' moment! 

3. Tiangge. For some people who can locate this place that means you've been here once or might have died here once haha. For my last year here in UP, this place became the happiest place on earth for me. I forgot all my worries and just let loose all night 'till the break of dawn.

I might have only chosen 3 but every single location here in Miag-ao that i've entered had a made such a big impact on my life. It was a great 4 years stay. It's sad to say goodbye but it is called 'good' bye so let's focus on the good :D.

What will you do after college?

It’s the same as asking “What have you done in your life?” People have been asking that question more frequently lately as graduation day approaches. I simply shoot back a reference to finishing my undergraduate thesis first before answering their question. It’s a generic retort, one that is said with heavy eye bags and an empty stomach from breakfast. To answer that question, I would have to take a trip down memory lane. It'll also be a way for me to contemplate my own impending progression towards the working group.

During freshman year, I could recall the vigor I had in exploring the college library and attending classes of UP professors. It was like being in nirvana after high school. I remember the quintessential weird professor who had a lisp but brilliantly crafted an exam which required one to relate philosophers and their philosophy to the solar system. In a day, I would be in and out of classrooms at such long intervals and be with different people for each class. It was also the great era of discovering the jungle-like parties at what people dubbed as the “party capital of the UP system”. I was filled with this energy and channelled it to joining a debate organization.

Debaters also know how to "party"

UPV Miagao Debate Society

Awesome UP professor

The following year I was building momentum because I told myself that perhaps a public service path awaited me so I ran for batch representative. I loved it! I loved the pressure of balancing rep duties and academic requirements. It was exhilarating, but it wasn’t always fun. We lost track of our accounts from sportsfest fees and we may have had batch conflicts too. Nonetheless, I wanted these types of challenges. The only way, they said, to pursue this was to step up and run for governor. I didn’t run. I went on to lead our debate society which opened doors for me to go to different places.

I headed this organizing team for an interhigh school layout competition

Not exactly in high definition, but high in batch dedication

My junior year was my most travelled year. It wasn’t simply because of joining debate competitions but quite frankly also because of diving into uncharted waters. I flew to and from Manila that time, tasted Pili nuts from Camarines Sur, lived inside Camp Aguinaldo, attended a simulated Senate session, met constitutioner Christian Monsod and conducted voters’ education in various barangays. I can vaguely remember organizing an after-party, getting reprimanded by a school administrator, getting away from the reprimand through a get-away vehicle, heading to the airport to be in the Senate – all in one night. Let me also mention that UPV Miagao is a strategic location for your itchy feet because you and your friends may decide one night to explore its forest. In fact, you may also consider scaling one random mountain in San Joaquin, Iloilo right in the middle of finals week.

Stayed at Ateneo de Manila University!

Debaters at the Camp Aguinaldo, Quezon City for the Philippine Collegiate Peace Debates

This senior year, I may have reverted to the bum lifestyle despite continuing to debate and acting at a play. Yes, I jumped into theatre this late but I really wanted to experience acting legitimately (hello and thank you, Mr. Erick Aguilar!). It was very interesting, actualizing a personality far from your own. For those who can relate to this feeling, it’s amazing how evoking “kilig” from your audience works. It’s truly an art and a celebration, in a way, of real affection. Now let’s talk academically, I will not be snagging the honors title during graduation. There’s the rub.

Acting for Requiem

It’s like a scratching record played in this article. I don’t mind. I enjoyed college, even beyond the classroom. I may have lost a few hard-held principles made prior to it, but I have also gained precious lessons, nuggets of wisdom and priceless experiences from the people I was with, places I’ve been to and the choices I made. College doesn’t end at graduation, it simply opens more opportunities. Where am I really going? I am anxiously (in both senses of the word) discovering where.  

into the sea and out in the ocean

Don’t take pictures with Oble, they said. You might not graduate on time, they said.  

My freshman self at my dorm rooftop

One summer night in my second year in college, I decided to stay in Miagao with two friends, got a little adventurous, and took my very first photograph with the famous icon. I don’t remember getting a copy of that picture. Probably because I forgot, or for the most part, though I didn’t want to admit, I was fooled to believe in that superstition. I sort of regretted what I did so I acted as if it did not happen.

Today, I know better. Not because I am graduating on time but because I've learned that photographs taken with a naked man whose arms spread wide open into the air will not define the number of years you'll have to stay in UP. More imporatntly, he will serve as a call for motivation. In short, you make things happen. You make your own destiny. You decide how many years you stay.

Awhile ago I sat on my couch quite lost in thought of how I’m supposed to write an exit blog. A concluding message. A goodbye note. Apparently, I’m bad at goodbyes. I'm a 90% deeply sentimental person.

To know something is about to come to an end, as all things should, my feeling is no different than that of all of the others who like me, are about to end four years of spending life in an academic institution that gave me freedom and let me do what I wish to do about it. it is not a a feeling of relief but of a bittersweet uncertainty.

I feel proud studying in UP. Not mainly because of its name and the prestige as that is a given point. But more so of the adventures I have to go through studying inside.  I’ve spent four years alongside people I call friends and family, my teachers, mentors, even electric fans (in classrooms) that apparently, are a decade or more older than me. 

In this four years I have found a sense of certainty of who and what I am. Back then I used to deny myself of my personal truths of fear that I may not be accepted. Today I wear them like I wear sneakers on a daily basis. 

You get your beliefs questioned by others and eventually by your own self, that’s for sure. But you find that it is not a daunting matter as it is not a bad thing to see the world with more curious and questioning eyes. 

As much as there are brighter days, there are darker ones. All this sum up into what we call the ultimate UP experience. 

How does it feel ending this journey?  Bittersweet. I can sum it up with the chorus of Fleetwood Mac’s Landslide: 

                                                               Well, I've been afraid of changing

                                                              'Cause I've built my life around you

                                                                    But time makes you bolder

                                                                       Even children get older

                                                                     And I'm getting older too

What is there to fear? I ask myself. Too many things. Going out there and continuing to find your purpose isn't one of them. Though how bittersweet, I am off to move forward with the knowledge that whatever I do with my life, is completely up to me.                                                     

A ‘terror’ UP Professor once told a class I’m in, Whatever you do in your life, make it a choice. No matter how much you’ve regretted it or how much you’re proud of it, make it a choice. Your choice.

They say UP chooses you. But UP was also my choice. At certain points in the past four years I've questioned this choice. Today, I take it all back. 

UP is like an open sea. I am grateful for the freedom. I am grateful or being thrown out there where at some point I 'drowned', at some point,  I tried to 'float' and now at some point, I'm struggling to learn how to 'swim'. 

Eventually, I'll get myself into the ocean. 

Sem-ender blues

          I took the CMS 135 class because I was interested in blogging in general. I've been following famous Filipino bloggers like Kryzz Uy and Laureen Uy and I thought I want to know what it feels like to brainstorm on ideas about what to write and keep up with the trends in fashion and all that jazz to entertain your readers. What I realized in this class is that it's not just about impressing your readers but expressing yourself to the world. That and also having 12 awesome people by your side in this one semester of blogging journey.

           Microcoxm started out as a scheme to collaborate ideas of our generation and share it outside our circle. Personally, I could say I contributed big time in establishing the blog. I learned coding overnight just to achieve the user-friendly interface we want for our blog, and I'll tell you, for someone who's a shiftee from a Computer Sciences, coding was torture. I've also helped with the publicity stuff, especially the big ass poster we set up at the AS walk some time last February. I enjoyed the whole process of doing that. No torture, thank God~ (and yes, forgive me if I'm talking about this. Hey, I just wanna give myself some credit. lol)

          Jen, Chai, Ronnie, Gio, Jo, Ate AK, Dayan, Jill, Dan, and Ed, we all shared a lot of memories as the people behind Microcoxm. We've had our share of struggles in brainstorming for ideas to come up with the requirements for the weekly challenges, had fun making patuyang in the cold walls of R207 for a couple of hours, shared stories to kill the time, and shared rants pertaining to academic struggles. Of course, who would never forget out mentor, Sir Bob - the man behind myiloilo.net, who shared his experience as a renowned blogger and taught us the means and ways of online publishing.

          It's a bit sad though, that the 9 bloggers of Microcoxm will be leaving the walls of the institution and pursue jobs or studies in their field of interest in a while. But I think the thing that will keep the Microcoxm bloggers together is the experience and the bond we had while running the blog. Sure there's a lot of collaborative blogs existing in the real world but it's a big deal for kids aged 20s to make something as big as Microcoxm happen. With that, I would like to personally thank the people who commented and gave insights as to how to make Microcoxm more engaging. Also, to our loyal readers who constantly praise our blog entries and keep looking forward for new ones every now and then, kudos to you guys. Just like how an artist would usually say, we would have never existed if not for our desire to reach out to the world, to share stories and to make you happy even just for a little while. Microcoxm was made from that principle and (hopefully) Microcoxm will still be here to lighten up your day in the next days to come.

          To my Microcoxm pals, here's to us. Congratulations to those who will graduate. To those who will still stay, konting push pa bhe. Sir Bob, you're an awesome professor. Thank you for a wonderful semester~

          XOXO, HELGA. :)

My Microcoxmic Journey

25 days from now, nine from the authors of Microcoxm are going to graduate. It breaks my heart 'cause I will no longer be seeing them inside the Microcoxm headquarters (aka room 207). So I am making this blogpost to tell you, dear readers, how awesome it is to work with them and work for Microcoxm.

Before Microcoxm started, we had to wander for days and dig up on every hole we can find in our brains just to let all the creative juices out. It was tough. Blogging is tough since the blogosphere is
highly competitive.

Finally we came up with our own little world in the blog universe and named it "Microcoxm" where we talk about practically anything under the sun.

From what food to eat...

(Read Dayanara's article "Dating Don Galbi" here: http://microcoxm.blogspot.com/2015/04/dating-don-galbi.html )

Places you can visit or revisit...

( Read Danika Cinco's article "Revisting Bacolod" here: microcoxm.blogspot.com/2015/04/revisiting-bacolod.html )

Or even about the infamous people you get to meet...

(Read Chai Salvaleon's article "We Need to Talk About Jesse" here: microcoxm.blogspot.com/2015/03/we-need-to-talk-about-jesse.html )

The articles are highly relatable: from make-up tips to types of dormates to something funny or something weird. Microcoxm even caters to your Kpop addiction. We did our research, we went to places and probably did something weird in order to come up with something microcoxmic to write.

I tell you it's a wide universe in Microcoxm! The writers (batchmates) are crazy and creative! Of course, all this fun would never be possible without our mentor, well-known Ilonggo blogger extraordinaire himself. Thank you, Sir, for making our Microcoxm journey as interesting as it is productive! 

It's all good in Microcoxm. We eat in class together, take a nap in class together, cram together, work together, make plans together and we even talk over the most casual to trivial things. Learning and working can be this fun.

I have so much love for this, especially to the people I worked with!

p.s. This doesn't mean Microcoxm is about to end. For sure it isn't.

'Twas a Wild Ride

Goodbyes are hard.

And by goodbyes, I mean the concept of letting go, of setting free what once we have, knowing that it will never come back, that the only thing you can remember things by is through fragments of memories; times of laughter, sadness, hardships and everything in between.

It doesn’t matter if you said goodbye to a loved one, a pet you have raised, friends and families, or of material things that have given you solace in this world. The bottom line is, saying your goodbye, is a real pain in the… you know what I mean.

However, saying goodbyes can be a good thing. Things that have been weighing you down can no longer be there, replacing anger, sadness and frustration to happiness, freedom and a new perspective in life. It can release you from a suffocating life, goodbyes; and it can also break hearts.

So we can say now, that goodbyes are necessary in life. It’s an inevitable reality that will always be in our hearts, whether we accept it or not. Things will always come and go in this life, it is whether we accept it and move on, or curl in a corner and still attach ourselves to the past. It’s a choice we’ve got to make, our alone, and ours to have.

So I say, thanks for the memories, it was a wild ride.

Photo by Author

*eats bacon

I KISSED MY CHILDHOOD GOODBYE

At 3 am this morning, there I was packing up what has been on my life in bags. Tearing shreds of used papers that before determined my grades was cathartic. Letting go of the things I have thought were valuable before made me feel lightness. Letting go of the things. Letting go.

To date, I am 20 years, 5 months and 16 days old. In an average human life, you can say that I have lived mostly the 1/4th of my life already. If you ask me, that's a pretty huge chunk of life. What's more is that I believe that the decisions I had made and will be making in the near future matters the most. For those are the decisions will determine the rest of my life.

Like most of my contemporaries, I have spent 16 years of it at institutions. Schools that taught me everything they can to get me ready for this moment. This moment when you supposedly graduate from your tertiary education, "enter" the "real" world, get a decent paying job and try survive in this complex society we put ourselves in.

In this society, in order to survive, a person must choose to join the race. Most of those who chose differently eventually only fall into two categories: the cynical or the change-maker. These people are the deviants. The brave souls who strive to pursue life not as well accumulated, but well lived.

I want to be that kind of person, the deviant. I know the stakes are high and the risks are life changing but the harder you look for a purpose in life and the more you question your existence, it brings you closer to realizations that in time made sense.

As I mature, I have realized a lot of things. I can now look back from past tragedies in retrospect. Not being sad about it anymore but just left with sentimentality. I have come to a conclusion that if I was to try to have a life well lived, I need to grow inwardly and share outwardly. Neither should I focus on the consumerist nature of the society nor to want instant gratification, like most people sadly do so.

The moment that I felt the need to want things differently and the moment my passions were awoken, I believe it was the moment I have put childish things away. Life is not a contrast of black and white anymore. I have realized that life is a spectrum of grey. Innocence forgotten.  It was the moment I kissed my childhood goodbye.

As you readers may know, I am a graphic culture enthusiast and my childhood hero is Uzumaki Naruto, a Japanese comic and anime character created by Kishimoto Masashi. Naruto's dreams, ideals, and attitude of 'never giving up' makes my heart go with him. As a kid, Naruto was the series that I admire very much.

Just this May 20, 2015 a personal life event happened. It was the verification of my prior statement. I have watched the last movie franchise of the series. The movie concluded the story. For the series, it was an 18 year journey. As a great fan, the movie concluded the whole of my childhood. For me, it was a life event that closed that chapter.

Today, my dreams and my life are still in the making. There is not much to say about what will be next. As I now open the new chapter of my life, I just hope that the best 2/4ths of my lifetime will be well spent and well lived.

Kissing my childhood goodbye does not mean that I forget my childhood. It means that I now move on from dreaming to achieving them. I hope that just like my favorite character, Naruto, I will not give up on my dreams and ideals until I finally achieve them.